seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
