Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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