she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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