thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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