also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
