Christians are straight up FREAKS
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
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You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize