i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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