Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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