She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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