How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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