I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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