I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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