hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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