he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
