I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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