Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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