I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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