Three words: puerto rican gang bang
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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