I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
