so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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