can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
