I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
