Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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