Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
