I accidentally had phone sex last night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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