Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
