You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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