And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
