Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
