I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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