Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
