Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Where is the hickey?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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