she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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