Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
