Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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