I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
