i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
