hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
