come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
