dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
