when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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