can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
