so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
