i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
