So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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