Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he laminated a picture of his dick.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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