I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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