Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
