he shaved USA in his pubs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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