I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
