Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
