I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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