how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
