can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
