Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
