You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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