I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
