Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
