But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
