Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
