the day after is always just damage control
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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