i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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