ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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