Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
