he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
