and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
