anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize